So 2016 arrived and has already started going way too fast.
I've been thinking about a lot of things, and am looking at lots of different resources to help me figure out what is happening in my life etc. I'm having to accept that Karen and Rachel (and others) may well be right in where I'm going. This needs a lot of reading and thinking and praying. Which is kinda what my plan for this year basically is :-)
This guy has some really interesting stuff on his page:
http://www.tonyhj.ca/Priest/vocation.html
So yeah - this blog is likely to become a dumping ground for "ooooooo - that's interesting" articles so I can come back to them later.
I'm also figuring out why we do various things, the reasons, the symbolism, the value. That way I can work out what is appropriate in different settings, and what is the pared-down-to-the-bone basics of what we need to be doing (essential when things get hectic or confrontational).
Monday, 8 February 2016
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
What do our modern stories say about us?
So Beloved Boyfriend and I are looking through the old EFM folder a lady from our church gave me when she was downsizing. One of the things that struck me was that you can tell a lot about a culture by the stories it tells. If a hero is kind and honest that culture probably values those traits. If he is cunning and clever they probably valued those traits. After all, why would you root for a hero you didn't identify with (or at least want to identify with even if you didn't measure up).
So what do our modern stories say about us? What do we, as a culture, value?
Well I tend to like a lot of sci-fi and fantasy, and it seems to me that in our more recent films and series (specifically fantasy ones) you could make a case for saying that we want our monsters to be human. And that can go both ways. That we like our villains to be people that we may well encounter rather than them being hideous beasts, and also that we like our "monsters" to have redeeming features. The examples that leaped out at me were Spike and Angel as hero-monsters, Parker and the Trio as human-villain, Dexter as a .... well ..... he's a tricky one ..... I think anti-hero might be the right term - we root for him (or at least are encouraged to) despite his own crimes.
What else? I came across an article recently pointing out just how much damage The Avengers cause during their films. All the Marvel "heroes" are flawed.
And perhaps that's what it comes down to . Perhaps the simple answer is that at present we don't want simple answers. We like our heroes and villains to be complicated.
My personal favourite example would be Supernatural. You don't manage to go very many episodes without getting into some seriously complicated relationships and motivations; I mean, one of the "good guys" (SPOILER ALERT) spends time as hell's torturer!
And what about Firefly? We spend all our time rooting for these guys, but they are outlaws. On the run. They steal. Start fights. Harbour dangerous fugitives. And because Joss Whedon (much respect) is such a twisty turny writer (I wonder if he knows Jim Butcher) their enemies aren't even simple good guys - they are the scary authoritarian governmental types that pursue you and want to do experiments on you and turned a whole planet (SPOILERS) into either corpses or psychotic sub-human murder machines.
So why don't we like our stories simple? Actually ..... did we EVER like our stories simple? Let's think about some older stories ......
The King Arthur stories - not simple. In no way simple :-)
Robin Hood - a collection of stories over many decades - "the people" vs the rulers (but only the bad rulers).
Grimm and Anderson - NOT the Disney versions (mutters and grumbles about fairydust-itis). People think they're lovely stories fit for kiddie winks. Have you READ them lately????? Those stories are gruesome (I love them).
Do you know ...... I think that stories have never been simple. Never been straight forward. I'd love to look into this further. To find stories from different time periods - the ancient stories from different cultures, the Arthurian stuff (and look at the different versions), stories from the Middle Ages, the Tudor period, each period, coming up to modern day. And then looking personally at the stories from my childhood, my teen years, and my adult years.
So what do stories say about us? Probably that we are complicated. Probably that there is always more than meets the eye. Probably that some adults try to alter stories for children to be more "suitable". Anyone want to tell their Disney Princess daughter the origin of the Sleeping Beauty story?
Perhaps part of it is that we are capable of great self-delusion. But perhaps by looking beyond the surface we can find some interesting deeper truths about ourselves ........
And perhaps we should approach our own life stories that way. By looking beyond what we remember to have happened, by looking at things as widely as possible and examining motives and being open to the complexities in every story. There is always more to know in a story. A story is only a snapshot in the wider tale.
I was born at Nottingham City Hospital on 18th December 1982. Who were the staff present at my birth? What had brought them to that point? Who was in the next bed? Was it their first time or did they already have children? All our stories start with ourselves as the leading lady (or leading man). What if we re-told them from a minor character's point of view?
I wonder what the Director thinks of our performances. I wonder what he thinks of our reviews, our re-writes, our interviews and autobiographies. I guess we'll each find out one day.
So what do our modern stories say about us? What do we, as a culture, value?
Well I tend to like a lot of sci-fi and fantasy, and it seems to me that in our more recent films and series (specifically fantasy ones) you could make a case for saying that we want our monsters to be human. And that can go both ways. That we like our villains to be people that we may well encounter rather than them being hideous beasts, and also that we like our "monsters" to have redeeming features. The examples that leaped out at me were Spike and Angel as hero-monsters, Parker and the Trio as human-villain, Dexter as a .... well ..... he's a tricky one ..... I think anti-hero might be the right term - we root for him (or at least are encouraged to) despite his own crimes.
What else? I came across an article recently pointing out just how much damage The Avengers cause during their films. All the Marvel "heroes" are flawed.
And perhaps that's what it comes down to . Perhaps the simple answer is that at present we don't want simple answers. We like our heroes and villains to be complicated.
My personal favourite example would be Supernatural. You don't manage to go very many episodes without getting into some seriously complicated relationships and motivations; I mean, one of the "good guys" (SPOILER ALERT) spends time as hell's torturer!
And what about Firefly? We spend all our time rooting for these guys, but they are outlaws. On the run. They steal. Start fights. Harbour dangerous fugitives. And because Joss Whedon (much respect) is such a twisty turny writer (I wonder if he knows Jim Butcher) their enemies aren't even simple good guys - they are the scary authoritarian governmental types that pursue you and want to do experiments on you and turned a whole planet (SPOILERS) into either corpses or psychotic sub-human murder machines.
So why don't we like our stories simple? Actually ..... did we EVER like our stories simple? Let's think about some older stories ......
The King Arthur stories - not simple. In no way simple :-)
Robin Hood - a collection of stories over many decades - "the people" vs the rulers (but only the bad rulers).
Grimm and Anderson - NOT the Disney versions (mutters and grumbles about fairydust-itis). People think they're lovely stories fit for kiddie winks. Have you READ them lately????? Those stories are gruesome (I love them).
Do you know ...... I think that stories have never been simple. Never been straight forward. I'd love to look into this further. To find stories from different time periods - the ancient stories from different cultures, the Arthurian stuff (and look at the different versions), stories from the Middle Ages, the Tudor period, each period, coming up to modern day. And then looking personally at the stories from my childhood, my teen years, and my adult years.
So what do stories say about us? Probably that we are complicated. Probably that there is always more than meets the eye. Probably that some adults try to alter stories for children to be more "suitable". Anyone want to tell their Disney Princess daughter the origin of the Sleeping Beauty story?
Perhaps part of it is that we are capable of great self-delusion. But perhaps by looking beyond the surface we can find some interesting deeper truths about ourselves ........
And perhaps we should approach our own life stories that way. By looking beyond what we remember to have happened, by looking at things as widely as possible and examining motives and being open to the complexities in every story. There is always more to know in a story. A story is only a snapshot in the wider tale.
I was born at Nottingham City Hospital on 18th December 1982. Who were the staff present at my birth? What had brought them to that point? Who was in the next bed? Was it their first time or did they already have children? All our stories start with ourselves as the leading lady (or leading man). What if we re-told them from a minor character's point of view?
I wonder what the Director thinks of our performances. I wonder what he thinks of our reviews, our re-writes, our interviews and autobiographies. I guess we'll each find out one day.
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Some things I want to think about
I get a lot of "ooooh! must think about this" moments, but often forget them by the time I find myself with enough time to think them through.
So this is me making notes to think the following through properly:
So this is me making notes to think the following through properly:
- Why do some Christians cross themselves? Why do some Christians not cross themselves? What's the meaning behind this? After looking into it, is it something I want to see if this is right for me?
- Confession - more of a Catholic thing than Anglican in most minds, but what are the ideas behind it for an Anglican? I know some people do confess to priests, but is it necessary to make public or semi-public confessions of our failings or is it better to bring them directly to God?
- Where am I going? What is important to me? What exactly is it that I want to do? This one may well be a mind-map exercise ....... I do like mind-map exercises.
- Exploring Anglican traditions. This one might stay on a back burner for a while as I am in the middle of at least 2 new longer term things already. Basically, I want to know the reasons why we do things a certain way. I want to understand our rituals and traditions, not just go along with them blindly and unthinkingly.
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Getting things wrong
Well that was amusing. The original typed title was Getting Things Wring.
Getting things wrong. I do this a lot. In small ways and bigger ways. Today was a good example of getting things wrong in a way that could have been huge if it hadn't been for how the other person handled it.
I lost my temper with my boyfriend and stomped off. We walked home (me stomping off in front) and I sat down with a coffee in the corner of the sofa sulking and crying. Regardless of the reason for the argument I over reacted, and part of the reason for me crying was because I couldn't work out how to make it right again. I had gotten so far down the road of being angry and upset that I didn't know how to get back on the road of being happy and going forward together like we usually do.
This entry was going to be about the fact that we all get it wrong and we all need to just own up to that and move forward - but as I was typing the paragraph above I realised that you can see parallels between my experience today and our relationship with God. That it is possible for us to get so far from God that we can't see a way back. That we then sulk and cry and feel angry and hurt because we just don't know what to do to make it right. And that's where God comes to us and (in the words of my beloved and patient and wonderful boyfriend) says to come here and have a cuddle.
I am incredibly lucky in my boyfriend. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I don't show him that often enough.
God is even bigger and better than that. God loves us. No matter how far away we go, he wants us to come and have a cuddle and to know that He loves us. OK - perhaps once we have calmed down and cried and cuddled there might then be a serious chat about how we got to that point and how we can avoid getting so confused again; but the point is that WE ARE LOVED. And that is a pretty amazing thing when you think about it. That no matter how much we lose our tempers, or get things wrong, or are stubborn, we are still loved.
Getting things wrong. I do this a lot. In small ways and bigger ways. Today was a good example of getting things wrong in a way that could have been huge if it hadn't been for how the other person handled it.
I lost my temper with my boyfriend and stomped off. We walked home (me stomping off in front) and I sat down with a coffee in the corner of the sofa sulking and crying. Regardless of the reason for the argument I over reacted, and part of the reason for me crying was because I couldn't work out how to make it right again. I had gotten so far down the road of being angry and upset that I didn't know how to get back on the road of being happy and going forward together like we usually do.
This entry was going to be about the fact that we all get it wrong and we all need to just own up to that and move forward - but as I was typing the paragraph above I realised that you can see parallels between my experience today and our relationship with God. That it is possible for us to get so far from God that we can't see a way back. That we then sulk and cry and feel angry and hurt because we just don't know what to do to make it right. And that's where God comes to us and (in the words of my beloved and patient and wonderful boyfriend) says to come here and have a cuddle.
I am incredibly lucky in my boyfriend. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I don't show him that often enough.
God is even bigger and better than that. God loves us. No matter how far away we go, he wants us to come and have a cuddle and to know that He loves us. OK - perhaps once we have calmed down and cried and cuddled there might then be a serious chat about how we got to that point and how we can avoid getting so confused again; but the point is that WE ARE LOVED. And that is a pretty amazing thing when you think about it. That no matter how much we lose our tempers, or get things wrong, or are stubborn, we are still loved.
Wednesday, 2 September 2015
Greenbelt 2015
Where to start?
5 days before Greenbelt we weren't sure we would get there as my friend was rear-ended and her car written off. Her wonderful in-laws came to our rescue though and drove us there and home again after.
This was my 3rd ever Greenbelt, and my 2nd time volunteering.
Volunteering (last year and this year) was wonderful! You get a completely different feel to things, and you are immediately part of a community, a family. Last year I was sat with my team leader the night before the festival opened, and a man sat down with us and started chatting. About 20 minutes later we introduced ourselves and realised we had spent most of the previous 12 months chatting on Facebook! This was Andy (Dangly). I soon got to meet others; Storm, Lemming, Stick, Twiglet, McVicar, Sweetcorn, Bigfoot, Tiredy Bear (those are the names I can remember lol), and quickly felt at home. That feeling was even stronger this year. I felt energised (and exhausted, but that might have been the two 4am's), I felt safe, I felt embraced (and not just by all the physical hugging).
This year was amazing.
I got to one talk (some excellent questions that I need to think about) and my very kind boyfriend sent me with funds to buy all the talks so we can listen and discuss them together.
I had 2 major insights into things I need to do - specific things; a chat with someone about a question they asked me before I went, and an action I need to do about a different situation.
I also had several other "smaller" realisations about things, and came away with some many ideas and questions and things I want to look into.
One of the best things was the last night. Talking at the Jesus Arms (hurrah for Crazy Goat!) with first Claire and later Lemming. Both of them gave me things to think about, but more importantly a strong sense of acceptance.
Greenbelt isn't a hit-you-over-the-head-with-Christianity festival. It's more subtle, more strong, more sustainable than that.
It's a place where you feel free to express yourself. To be able to ask the questions you think might be stupid. To say "this is how I feel". I said to Lemming how I felt about my faith and he put his drink down, threw his arms round me, and called me sister. It was wonderful.
I hope (I pray) that I can keep this feeling, this enthusiasm, this discovery going until next Greenbelt. That I can apply it to my daily life. That I can explain it to others at my church, and convince them to come to Greenbelt next year to at least give it a go.
I am beyond grateful to the people who convinced me to go in 2013 (last year at Cheltenham). It wasn't the same experience that first year, but it was so valuable to me at that point that I had to go again. And then I did. As a volunteer. And it was even better.
I spent the whole week grinning (when I wasn't blearily searching out coffee).
Hurrah for Greenbelt!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 days before Greenbelt we weren't sure we would get there as my friend was rear-ended and her car written off. Her wonderful in-laws came to our rescue though and drove us there and home again after.
This was my 3rd ever Greenbelt, and my 2nd time volunteering.
Volunteering (last year and this year) was wonderful! You get a completely different feel to things, and you are immediately part of a community, a family. Last year I was sat with my team leader the night before the festival opened, and a man sat down with us and started chatting. About 20 minutes later we introduced ourselves and realised we had spent most of the previous 12 months chatting on Facebook! This was Andy (Dangly). I soon got to meet others; Storm, Lemming, Stick, Twiglet, McVicar, Sweetcorn, Bigfoot, Tiredy Bear (those are the names I can remember lol), and quickly felt at home. That feeling was even stronger this year. I felt energised (and exhausted, but that might have been the two 4am's), I felt safe, I felt embraced (and not just by all the physical hugging).
This year was amazing.
I got to one talk (some excellent questions that I need to think about) and my very kind boyfriend sent me with funds to buy all the talks so we can listen and discuss them together.
I had 2 major insights into things I need to do - specific things; a chat with someone about a question they asked me before I went, and an action I need to do about a different situation.
I also had several other "smaller" realisations about things, and came away with some many ideas and questions and things I want to look into.
One of the best things was the last night. Talking at the Jesus Arms (hurrah for Crazy Goat!) with first Claire and later Lemming. Both of them gave me things to think about, but more importantly a strong sense of acceptance.
Greenbelt isn't a hit-you-over-the-head-with-Christianity festival. It's more subtle, more strong, more sustainable than that.
It's a place where you feel free to express yourself. To be able to ask the questions you think might be stupid. To say "this is how I feel". I said to Lemming how I felt about my faith and he put his drink down, threw his arms round me, and called me sister. It was wonderful.
I hope (I pray) that I can keep this feeling, this enthusiasm, this discovery going until next Greenbelt. That I can apply it to my daily life. That I can explain it to others at my church, and convince them to come to Greenbelt next year to at least give it a go.
I am beyond grateful to the people who convinced me to go in 2013 (last year at Cheltenham). It wasn't the same experience that first year, but it was so valuable to me at that point that I had to go again. And then I did. As a volunteer. And it was even better.
I spent the whole week grinning (when I wasn't blearily searching out coffee).
Hurrah for Greenbelt!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why this blog?
I blame the boyfriend. (Waves to boyfriend).
We have both been encouraged to keep a journal, and we're both finding it a challenge for various reasons. Personally, although I do love my beautiful journal the boyfriend got me (leather with dragons and handmade paper - it smells lovely and has clasps) I find it increasingly difficult to write for decent lengths of time, probably due to the amount of typing I have done for the last *mutters* years as part of my previous work, and as part of general life (eg Facebook, emails etc). Basically, writing makes my hand ache. Typing doesn't. So while I will keep my hardcopy journal going (easy to carry and make notes in and can doodle) I will also have this blog for musings.
So what do I muse? Well everything really. I love playing with an idea, and trying to see it from as many sides as possible. Let's take something easy. The Lord of the Rings. I adore TLOTR and The Hobbit. I read the books when I was between 10 and 12. The LOTR films were 3 years of wonderful birthday presents. And now The Hobbit. I won't go into what I think of the film versions of the books. That's an entirely different topic. What I am using that as an example of is where I can look at different sides of things.
So. Sauron. Big evil glowey eye. World domination. Right?
Well hang on - why is he like that? What are his reasons for what he does? What are his aims and objectives? What in his past has caused him to behave how he does in the present?
I don't know these answers. I haven't managed to read the Silmarillion yet, which has a lot more backstory. But that's not the point. The important thing isn't always the answer. It's the question. And that's what I like.
So this blog is likely to be a very confusing space for anyone who isn't me :-) Sorry guys. If you come on here you're likely to find yourself in my head. Good luck!
We have both been encouraged to keep a journal, and we're both finding it a challenge for various reasons. Personally, although I do love my beautiful journal the boyfriend got me (leather with dragons and handmade paper - it smells lovely and has clasps) I find it increasingly difficult to write for decent lengths of time, probably due to the amount of typing I have done for the last *mutters* years as part of my previous work, and as part of general life (eg Facebook, emails etc). Basically, writing makes my hand ache. Typing doesn't. So while I will keep my hardcopy journal going (easy to carry and make notes in and can doodle) I will also have this blog for musings.
So what do I muse? Well everything really. I love playing with an idea, and trying to see it from as many sides as possible. Let's take something easy. The Lord of the Rings. I adore TLOTR and The Hobbit. I read the books when I was between 10 and 12. The LOTR films were 3 years of wonderful birthday presents. And now The Hobbit. I won't go into what I think of the film versions of the books. That's an entirely different topic. What I am using that as an example of is where I can look at different sides of things.
So. Sauron. Big evil glowey eye. World domination. Right?
Well hang on - why is he like that? What are his reasons for what he does? What are his aims and objectives? What in his past has caused him to behave how he does in the present?
I don't know these answers. I haven't managed to read the Silmarillion yet, which has a lot more backstory. But that's not the point. The important thing isn't always the answer. It's the question. And that's what I like.
So this blog is likely to be a very confusing space for anyone who isn't me :-) Sorry guys. If you come on here you're likely to find yourself in my head. Good luck!
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